Trick or Treat.
Last Friday, I was having drinks with a lovely photographer friend and we noticed that the bar we were in was filled with bad wigs.
We looked irritatingly at our waiter in his synthetic afro, with the hippy bandana sliding off his head.
Then it dawned on us, ‘its nearly halloween’.
I didn’t even realize, and neither did she.
We both stated, ‘I don’t have time for Halloween’.
I told Axl this, and he too said, yeah, ‘I don’t have time for it either’.
What are these statements of sacrilege?
The universal day of dressing up like a ho bag is a part of who I am.
Halloween is every woman’s free pass to sexual liberation, dominance, and attraction.
It’s the illusion of what you know you cannot pull off in real life.
Some woman scoff at the sexual hall pass that Halloween represents.
But, usually their costumes end up looking slutty too.
I knew this girl, who dressed up like Tweety Bird. 
Big mascot Tweedy head, and bird body, all in yellow fun fur.
But, and here’s the slut-injection, Tweety had long, long legs dressed in black fishnet stockings and black heels.
Right, so Axl, beautiful photographer, and I are too busy for Halloween.
This is the first time that I have not participated.
Once, I did not have a costume, but carved a pumpkin while wearing a neon blue feather boa and enjoyed a budget friendly Halloween night.
Now, I am swamped with work for the new album tour.
Like today, I had to jet around picking up fabulous calf-skin boots (like butter, might i add).
They are really fantastic, and would suit any sluttly or attempted slut-free costume just fine.
But, I just don’t have the time for a Halloween event this year.
Last Halloween I was a Gypsy, and beautiful photographer was Farah Fawcett.
It was a terrific night, and the next day I hid inside to protect my hangover from the paparazzi, and Farah stumbled over to my house to pick up her wallet.
But this year, with things on the go at a million miles an hour, we didn’t even realize that it was Halloween weekend.
Understanding what we’re dealing with here, extreme superstardom, Halloween will have to be deferred till next year.
Due to my lack of festivity this year, here’s a list of the Halloween costumes that I can remember wearing:
Steel Town CFL Football Fan
Silver, the colour (Lady McBeth was Gold)
Black Angel (fabulous feather wings, that I made - I magically flew home and woke up the next day surrounded by candy wrappers)
Mrs. Clause (shiny material, very short skirt)
Cowgirl (pink sequin tube top, zebra print hat)
Grim Reaper Slut (fabulous cape that my mom made)
Disco Girl (blue plastic pants)
Witch (that my mom made)
Cheerleader (mom, sewed it again)
French Maid (that my mom made)
Punk Rocker
Gypsy Lady
Sleeping Beauty (mom made)
Rainbow Bright (brilliantly made by my lovely mother, who took two days off work to finish it)
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